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I tease my wife when she follows recipies with almost molecular-level accuracy but Im careful to reassure her that I too make meticulous use of the measures

Tags: funny, tease, wife, follows, recipies, molecular-level, accuracy, careful, reassure, meticulous, measures
I asked my mom if she could get a picture of me mid-air jumping off a sand dune She assured me she could These are the two pics she got

Tags: funny, picture, mid-air, jumping, sand, dune, assured, pics
As a discerning consumer I appreciate it when products take the time to reassure me

Tags: funny, discerning, consumer, appreciate, products, time, reassure
Im not sure if I should feel threatened or reassured by my fortune cookie

Tags: funny, feel, threatened, reassured, fortune, cookie
I assure you townspeople I am not a police surveillance vehicle

Tags: funny, assure, townspeople, police, surveillance, vehicle
my best friend rick rolled my on my birthday and he assured that it was NOT a rickroll

Tags: funny, friend, rick, rolled, birthday, assured, rickroll
My wife told me to put plastic down before I painted I assured her I didnt need it and would be extra careful

Tags: funny, wife, told, plastic, painted, assured, didnt, extra, careful
No matter how bad your day was I can assure you that Peanuts was worse

Tags: funny, matter, assure, peanuts, worse
That would reassure me

Tags: funny, reassure
Rest Assured

Tags: funny, rest, assured